Thank You For The Nudists (1 July, 2014)

ABBA, nudists and shameless self-promotion

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As a boy my very first love was ABBA; or more specifically, the blonde one Agnetha Faltskog. I used to stare longingly at the slight gap in her front teeth and imagine kissing her, marrying her and moving to our private island in the Swedish archipelago. As it turned out I married a 2 metre blonde Dutchman and moved to Amsterdam instead (close, but no cigar, as Bill Clinton might say). At the height of ABBA's fame in Australia one lasting image was burned into my adolescent brain: a story ran about how the four of them used to relax after a hectic tour schedule by that classic Swedish past-time of hitting the sauna and then 'swimming' naked in the refreshing snow outside.

And so I've always believed that of all the liberal Europeans I heard about growing up in the cultural backwater of conservative country Australia that the Swedes were the most liberal of them all - going about their daily business practically naked ALL THE TIME.

So I was greatly taken aback when we were planning our latest PR stunt for the Swedish launch of Daylong's sunscreen. Sweden has (remarkably for a country that spends half the year in darkness) one of the highest incidences of skin cancer in the world. So we decided to tell them about this sobering fact by creating a 'Nude Clock' on Stockholm's chic Norrmalmstorg area last Saturday. The idea was to lay naked people on the square arranged like the elements of a digital clock and have them change position every minute, keeping time all day long (see what we did there?) and ultimately, drawing people's attention to why it’s important to protect their skin from untimely sun damage.

Yet, in pre-production, when we first started talking to a PR company in Stockholm, their very initial reaction to our concept made it crystal clear that Swedish nudity was an outdated cliche. In fact, they strongly recommended dropping the stunt altogether due to the potential backlash from politically powerful feminists fiercely debating the use of objectifying images of women in the media. Such is the situation that even Swedish men sitting with their legs too widely apart on public transport are (apparently) being criticised as being "overtly macho".

So we had to compromise and go with a near-naked stunt.

Even so, a few female dancers felt uncomfortable enough with the skimpy flesh-coloured body-suits we had for them, to choose instead, to wear a more modest neck to knee version. Fair enough. We didn't want anyone to feel unduly exposed - but then, I wondered which part of the NAKED CLOCK concept did they not understand when they agreed to take part?

But what had happened to my boyish dreams of gap-toothed blondes swimming naked through the Swedish snow drifts? Is nudity - like ABBA and my heterosexuality itself - merely a quaint memory of a bygone era?

Not for everyone it seems. Some time ago my husband & I were invited to celebrate our Dutch cousin's 25th wedding anniversary. As it turns out, some friends that they had made while camping in Sweden were also celebrating their 25th in the same year. So a joint party was created for both couples, to be held at a 'health centre' outside the swinging town of Almere. And after 9pm it was "clothing optional" in honour of the nudist camp where they met. Er...clothing optional...WTF???!!!

"What could be more fun than relaxing with family and friends while naked" said the invite we received.
We could think of many, many things preferable to spending time naked with my in-laws and their teenage daughters so we graciously declined, saying we had "nothing to wear".

I guess I'm not as liberal these days anymore either.